I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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