I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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