I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
