i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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