Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
