Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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