U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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