You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
