Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A+ Viking dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
