Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
