so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
