Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
