are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
