Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
