I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
