omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
