My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
