can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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