I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We got so high we made milksteak
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
