Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
