Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
