Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
