so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
