i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
