I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
