i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is my gift to your gina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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