I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
