...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
