I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no, he came in my armpit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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