made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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