hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
