You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
