the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
