Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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