i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
