omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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