His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
