I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
