Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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