I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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