i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
