I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
