my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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