I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
