dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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