You smell like a Billy Joel song
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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