i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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