White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
