I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
