it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
