I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
