i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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