Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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