I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
