he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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