you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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