She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
