i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
