I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
