Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
