Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
