My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
