I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
