i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just google imaged poop.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
