i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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