New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
