i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
