so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
