I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
