if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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