dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
