Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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