I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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