who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
