Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
