i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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