who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
