what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
