Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
