but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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