I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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