I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
