we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
