Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
