my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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