You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
