shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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