There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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